Another quarter is over, and some of my ambition has been drained by the end of the quarter. It seems to have become a pattern that I have to set a bunch of goals before the start of each quarter, but very few of them end up sticking, so the quarter has become easy to summarize and review, so next, I'll review my spring quarter.


A year after studying abroad, I've pretty much settled into the routine of accepting my procrastination and lack of patience. Before spring quarter started, I was hoping that I could find a job this quarter, so I threw a ton of resumes at various organizations, but they all seemed to sink in stone and I didn't hear back from any of them. I also wish I could keep a journal, but that habit hasn't stuck either. I'm used to typing on the computer and I write incredibly slowly with a pen, preferring to spend that time writing very easy assignments or taking a break. I also hoped to teach myself how to use swift to write applications for Apple devices, but that ended in failure because it was more complex than I thought and I didn't have the whole block of time to learn it systematically. And then of course there was my previous passion, blogging, which is what you're reading now, and I had planned to be able to write a blog every week. Whatever the content, as long as I can keep it updated, it is a commendable thing, but I really don't deserve the credit, not to say that I keep writing every week, I haven't even kept it up for a week.


But as I've said in many places, I'm an idealist, and despite how badly I'm going through right now, it doesn't dull my hopes for a better future. Despite my current shortcomings, I am lazy, I procrastinate, and I lack a plan. I'm always trying out new habits to see if there is one that will help me accomplish my tasks efficiently and make me better.


I admit that I'm going through a phase of being very playful and easily attracted to other things that can cause me to be distracted from important things, but I actually think these curiosities are an important stage in my perception of the world, and it's by constantly trying new things that I can have a clearer idea of where I want to go in the future.


Another thing I'd like to mention is contrast. It's the contrast between people's achievements. At the beginning of this quarter, I saw a lot of my friends who chose to transfer and they got offers from very good universities. There were also some students who developed their own apps and got a lot of good reviews. There are even some students who have only just finished their freshman year and have found internships. A big source of anxiety for me this quarter was that I kept comparing myself to these friends of mine, and I wasn't doing as well as these friends of mine at all of these things and started worrying that I would become less and less competitive and that I would become unproductive in the future. The good news is that I got out of this wrong mindset and I went through a lot of hard thinking I realized that such anxiety was totally ineffective and wasted my limited energy. Because while I was agonizing over what I should do, others were already on their way to doing something. At the same time, everyone is unique, and just because someone else is doing something doesn't mean I must do it, and what someone else can do successfully doesn't even tell me if I can do it, because I'm not considered a failure. I just put too much thought into thinking instead of learning.


So, starting at the end of the spring quarter, I plan to really start being the person I really want to be, doing the things I want to do, and moving toward what I think is a success.

, Trivia